Movie Review: Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

As Troma Entertainment, Inc attempts to play the part of clever satirists against the "fast food nation" (aka the United States), the only group being truly mocked is the American people.

Director Lloyd Kaufman's (The Toxic Avenger, Tromeo and Juliet) 2006 production, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, is equivalent to watching X-rated versions of the Discovery Channel and Food Network combined. Its gruesome, grotesque, and goary demeanor are subject to taste – bad taste that is.

Needless to say, I was forced to watch about 75% of this movie with my head turned the other way and having to mute the volume because the visual atrocity of the film was only heightened by its equally unpleasant sound effects.

The film portrays a young student's struggles upon returning home after his first semester in college. Arbie comes back to his hometown searching for the native american cemetery where him and his high school sweetheart shared a sloppy sexual encounter the previous year. Instead he finds that it has been demolished in order to erect the popular fast food chain, American Chicken Bunker. His life is further complicated after finding out that his girlfriend, Wendy, has transformed into a left-wing, liberal lesbian who now devotes her time to protesting corporate America. Arbie decides to work for the exact cause that his ex-girlfriend so solemnly rejects as a way of channeling his anger. Arbie's new minimum wage career at American Chicken Bunker gives everyone, including the audience, an exaggerated and unwanted look at the fast-food industry.

If Kaufman claims that the, "... giant, devil-worshipping conglomerates today control the food and media we consume and its the media that perpetuates the hegemony of a restaurant industry that is literally killing us and turning us into McNugget craving zombies," then his film is what is killing the intellect of the American culture and mindset. It is a true insult if he believes that his depiction of a popular social topic would cause any sort of enlightenment to today's society.

When Bad Bangs Happen to Good People

Only two bad things can happen to ruin a girl's "look": someone else wearing the same outfit as her and bad bangs. I have bad bangs. I have had them for the past 3 weeks. I used to deeply trust my hairdresser that I have been going to for the past 2 years. So, when I showed up to my appointment I said, "Just do whatever you want, I trust you." Big mistake.

Instead of my usual thick, sideswept bangs, I now have about 5 wisps of hair down my forehead that are supposed to be the "in, straight cut" bangs. Nope, I definitely didn't get that. I spent days looking at pictures of me taken merely days before the tragic incident. I almost didn't even go out. It took one bad picture with these bangs for me to pin them back and I haven't seen them since. I'm anxiously waiting for them to grow out so that I can get my old, comfortable bangs back. Such an unfortunate event.

We made it to the circus on 6th

Thanks to our careless attitude and complete disregard towards the fact that we all had early classes the next day, my friends and I managed to create last minute Halloween costumes out of each other's junk. All it took was Brett Favrve, a Biker Chic, a Sexy Cowgirl, and a 70's Diva for me to stay up until 7 a.m. the next morning and still make it to class by 11! Yiup. We are the young and the restless.

It was way too early for that...

This morning I was enlightened to find out that people still wake up before 9 a.m.! I guess the saying is true: You learn something new everyday. Anyway, as I joyfully cruised down Congress amidst anxious pedestrians and honking cars, I somehow managed to inhale my delicious and filling breakfast composed of a granola bar and water. Yes, I am so organized that I am able to have a great meal AND get ready in my car as I'm rushing to the Statesman for my second visit.

Ok, Ok. I know I'm sounding very sarcastic, but its 10p.m. and after this morning I'm left feeling more unmarketable than a toy made in China. All of this happened after I spoke to a very kind, but much too informative writer at the Statesman. As I peered through his shoulder to see what kind of exciting journalistic work he was creating at 9:30 a.m. (one hour earlier than my normal wake up time), he said, "You really should look into something else. Something that pays better. Only the people that really want to do this get paid well." My only thought, which was able to silence the grumbling in my stomach was, "Awesome."

I decided to steer away from Journalism and talk more with him about our shared interest in English (he majored in it and soon so will I). He said that English was not a very marketable skill since it has no specialization. His next words, "Basically all your engineering friends will get jobs before you" are what caused me to reach inside my purse and secretly speed dial my academic counselor's number while quietly freaking out on the inside.

As I drove to school, I was extremely grateful for the fact that I still have three semesters left where everything suddenly seems easier. It was one of the best, short-lived drives of my life.

When you wish upon a star....do it from inside.

I was very excited when I found out last Saturday that there would be a meteor shower over Austin the following day at about 3 a.m. Luckily, the roof on the building next to mine is an outdoor patio filled with lounge chairs and commodities. My neighbors and I promised to meet at that time for a sparkling night.

So after hanging out with my friends downtown on a chilly, misty night, I excitedly hurried back home to catch the stars. Needless to say, all I caught was a cold.

Sure, it was entertaining at the time to see the occasional shooting star and make the same wish over and over again. At the time I didn't mind that I was freezing and now I realize that I should have been wishing for a blanket instead of the cliche true love.

Thanks to my lucky stars, I am now extremely sick. It has been very rough to get up every morning since then especially when I have to sit through five hour work trainings everyday this week. It isn't pleasant to be the coughing, bugery girl in the back row at all.

Session Shmession. Where's the next social?

During my internship at the capitol for the legislative session, I mentioned to my co-workers that the craziest things happened in that building. Their response? "Oh, duh. Thats why its called the freak show." And it really was.

I had some of the weirdest experiences during my capitol days, which is why I never left the house without my camera. I had to be prepared for the unexpected. Sometimes I would arrive and find Bugs Bunny, Batman & Robin, and Spongebob in the front steps advocating for more money towards tourism. Other times I would have to run to the underground offices and find snake farmers allowing the public to pet their pets. I met Vince Young, Rick Perry, and Miss Texas. I ran into the "little people" organization and watched mimes in the main rotunda. Ice cream socials were my favorite, but nothing beat signing the delivery of...no, not a flower arrangement, but a tree.

In conclusion the capitol provides a lot more entertainment than most people are aware of. Its only that chaotic during session though, so I suggest you wait until 2009 to check it out.